Bored On A Sunny Day
by Bella Masen Cullen
Summary: It's a sunny day, and the Cullens are stuck inside with nothing to do. They're all bored, and soon Edward is the only sane one left! How does he survive the craziness? Okay, the summary sucks. Just read the story!
1. What to Do, What to Do

**Bored On A Sunny Day**

By Bella Masen Cullen

_A/N This is my first shot at writing __humorous__ fanfiction, and it doesn't really get funny until the second chapter, so bear with me! Can't you just imagine Emmett running through the house singing "Sexyback"? _

_Disclaimer: I only own Twilight in my dreams. That means I do not own it._

**Chapter One: What to Do, What to Do…**

**Edward's POV**

Sun. A vampire's worst enemy when trying to remain inconspicuous. That's why we moved to Forks. The constant rain was our shield against the human world. But when the sun was out, we were forced to remain inside.

Now, how many things are there for a vampire to do on a sunny day? Well, one could watch TV or play video games. Or, in Emmett's case, one could run around the house singing a very disturbing version of_ Sexyback_. I shuddered as he passed me by. Emmett was very… _interesting_ when he was bored.

So, what else could we do for fun on a sunny day? Well, there was one thing. We could play board games. Our games closet was filled to the brim with pretty much every worthwhile board game ever made. We had all the classics, and all of the more modern games as well. So, with this idea in my mind, I called a family meeting.

Everybody gathered in the living room. Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Alice. Emmett was still humming _Sexyback _as we all sat down.

"Shut up Emmett, that's really disturbing you know." A grin spread across Emmett's face as I said this, and my mind was suddenly bombarded with some very unsettling images of him and Rosalie. "I really did _not_ have to see that Emmett!" I grimaced and tried to erase the images from my mind. Everybody in the room burst out laughing. "It's nice to know that I have a supportive family." I growled.

"Aww Eddy," Alice teased. I scowled at her for using such a vile nickname. "Don't be such a spoilsport!"

I looked at Carlisle with pleading eyes and breathed a sigh of relief as he caught on.

"Now Edward, what was it you wanted?" he asked, a twinkle in his eyes. I straightened up and addressed my family.

"Well, since it's such a sunny day and we're stuck inside, and since we're all bored with nothing to do…" My statement was met with looks of confusion. "Okay, since _I'm _bored and have nothing to do, I thought maybe I could call Bella to come over and we could all play a board game."

Alice met my suggestion with a wide grin as she clapped her hands together and bounced up and down on her seat. "Oh, yay!" she exclaimed, giddy with excitement.

"But Alice, dear, we were having so much fun!" Jasper looked at his wife pleadingly, and more disturbing images flashed through my mind as they exchanged a passionate gaze.

"Why are you all making me suffer?" I wailed like a child. Everybody just ignored me and I crossed my arms, pouting.

"I bet Bella has never seen _this_ side of you, Ed!" Emmett teased. I glared at him with all my hatred packed into one gaze. If looks could kill, he would be dead. My anger just set forth another torrent of giggles from my family, and soon they were all laughing hysterically.

Esme was the first one to control her laughter and finally calmed down. "Well Edward, I think that's a great idea. You should go pick up Bella right now." I smiled as she finally served the purpose of the meeting and got up to leave before any of my other family members could humiliate and/or torture me further.

I ran out to my Volvo at vampire speed, eager to get away from the house. In the shelter of my car the sun didn't bother me, but I wore concealing layers just in case. I got to Bella's house within minutes, and rejoiced when I saw that Charlie's car was nowhere to be seen. I quickly jumped out of the car and into the shade, being extra careful not to make any noise. I wanted to surprise Bella.

I grabbed the spare house key from its hiding place under the eave and let myself in. I could hear Bella upstairs in her bedroom, bouncing the springs of her bed as she flipped a page of the book she was reading. I placed the key back under the eave and closed the door, jumping lithely up the stairs, being careful to avoid the squeaky one.

I quickly peeked into Bella's room and was once again astonished by her inhuman beauty. I composed myself and made sure she was completely immersed in her book before making my next move.

I silently ran to the side of her bed, and stopped to make sure she hadn't noticed. She was still reading, and I smiled. In one quick movement, I scooped her up and kissed her, receiving a squeal in reply.

Bella pushed herself away to see who had suddenly disturbed her book, and I laughed at the stunned expression on her face. I leaned in to kiss her one more time and then set her down on the bed.

"Silly Bella!" I laughed as she held her head in her hands, trying to process what had just happened.

"Edward! How did you-? What did-? Who-?" she blinked several times, and only made me laugh harder.

"I've come to kidnap you, Bella dear. I've come to take you away to the 'Cullen Mansion of Maniacal Vampires'." I was still laughing as I said this. The look on Bella's face was pure terror, and I lifted her up and sprung out the window, making a beeline for my car and putting her in the passenger seat. I got in myself and began to drive before she could escape.

Bella finally seemed to find her voice. "Where did you say you were taking me?" she asked, still traumatized from the shock of my sudden appearance.

"My house. We're bored, so we've decided to eat you." I looked at her, trying to act serious. He mouth dropped open in horror and her eyes widened.

I smiled and attempted to 'dazzle her', as she called it. "I'm kidding Bella! Do you really think I would ever harm you?"

"No." she crossed her arms and leaned back in her seat, calming down. "But next time you decide to kidnap me, please give me the slightest bit of a warning." She gestured down to her clothes. She was still in her pajamas.

"You never cease to amaze me. It's two o'clock in the afternoon and you're still dressed like that." I shook my head and gave her a small kiss on the forehead.

"Keep your eyes on the road!" she yelled. The red on her cheeks from my previous comment made her look like Charlie when he was mad. I chuckled and pretended to pay attention to where I was going, for Bella's sake.

We were at my house in minutes and I ran over to Bella's door to get her out. We walked up the drive and Bella opened the door of the mansion, stepping in cautiously.

"BELLLLAAAA!" I heard Emmett yell from somewhere in the house. I didn't have time to act before he came bounding down the stairs and suddenly had Bella in a bear hug.

"Emmett-can't-BREATHE!" Bella choked out, and Emmett put her down gently. I had barely calmed down before I heard Alice's thoughts as she too ran down the stairs to embrace Bella.

_Bella's here! Bella's here! Maybe she'll let me give her a makeover!_

"Not a chance, Alice." I said in answer to her thoughts as she gave Bella a hug. Alice pouted and crossed her arms.

We were soon joined by the rest of the family and Emmett and Alice rushed over to the game closet to pick something for us to play. They were nearly bouncing from excitement. I swear, if vampires could drink human beverages, I would've bet that they had had twenty cans of pop each.

"Hey, I think I've found one!" Emmett cried triumphantly. He pointed to something and Alice clapped her hands in agreement.

"How about we play…"

_A/N Sorry about all the typos, I had to go to bed and I was rushing to put this up last night. I fixed them now, and I'll try to get the next chapter up ASAP! Thanks for reviewing! I love getting reviews; they make me feel all giddy inside: )_


	2. And the Game is

**Bored On A Sunny Day**

By Bella Masen Cullen

**Chapter Two: And the Game is…**

"Apples to Apples!" Emmett cried triumphantly, pulling out a small white box and waving it in the air…

_A/N Yes, another cliffy. But, I just thought that I'd take this chapter to explain the rules of Apples to Apples to those who don't know about it, or the whole story would be pointless._

_**Apples to Apples:**_

_**Apples to Apples is a really fun card game. It comes in a white box that has three separate compartments. One for a green pile of cards, and two for a red pile of cards (the red pile needs two spaces because it's twice as big as the green). The green cards have an adjective written on them, aka fuzzy, dangerous, pretty, clean, etc. The red cards have nouns written on them, aka Oprah Winfrey (you all have to know who she is), Barney, popcorn, chicken, etc. **_

_**Everybody sits in a circle and is given seven red cards. One person is chosen as the judge. The judge changes each round, going around the circle. In the round that the judge judges, he/she doesn't participate in putting down a card (you will find out about that in a second). Each round, the judge picks up the first green card in the pile and puts it in the middle of the circle. The rest of the people in the circle look through their red cards and try to find the card that matches the green card best. When everybody has put down their card, the judge chooses the winner and the winner gets the green card. **_

_**At the end of the game (either when you run out of cards or when you just don't want to play anymore), the person with the most green cards wins. The game gets really funny when nobody has a noun that even comes close to fitting the adjective, and the matches that win are like: "Fuzzy Aladdin" and "Clean Barney". I hope my explanation isn't too confusing, and I will do my best to update soon! **_


	3. Apples to Apples

**Bored On A Sunny Day**

By Bella Masen Cullen

_A/N Most of the chapters are probably going to be this short. Maybe a bit longer. I've decided that they're going to be little oneshots of the things they do that day. Here's the first one, with the game they play._

_Disclaimer: I own nothing. NOTHING I TELL YOU!_

_Big thanks to Lucifer and Ozzy K for their ideas! I could've never done this without them: ) Which means they'd better review!_

_I hope you enjoy this next chapter! Feel free to message me if you have any ideas!_

**Chapter Three: Apples to Apples**

Alice looked like she was about to fall over she was so excited. Emmett was beaming from ear to ear. My face instantly fell.

"Oh no," I said, "Don't you remember what happened last time?" I recalled the last time we played the game, it was during another one of Emmett's hyper sprees. I shuddered involuntarily.

"Oh, come on Edward, I'm sure it wasn't all that bad." Bella reassured me, patting my arm. I held her tighter.

"You've never seen Emmett like… this." I closed my eyes and grimaced.

"Like what?" My angel asked.

"Edward, you're overreacting. Don't worry Bella like that, let's have some fun!" Esme cooed softly from where she was standing next to Carlisle.

Emmett and Alice were already on the floor, scattering the red cards into eight small piles. I sighed and led Bella over to the circle, sitting down and placing her on my lap. I picked up a pile for her, and then got another for myself. I looked at my cards.

_Dr. Phil, kittens, machine guns, werewolves_ (ha, typical)_, vibraslap, bananas and socks._

"So, who wants to judge first?" Carlisle asked the group.

"Oh me! Me!" Alice waved her hand in the air excitedly. She pulled out a green card from the pile. "'Scary'" she dropped the card in the middle of the circle.

I glanced over my cards. I was having trouble choosing between _Dr. Phil_ and _Machine Guns_. I heard a card being placed on the ground and sudden silence.

"Uh, Esme-?" Carlisle asked his wife. I looked up to see everybody staring at her questioningly. I glanced at the middle of the circle. Now two cards were occupying it. The green card and- Wait, was I reading right? _Meat Tenderizer?!_ I stared at Esme, much like everybody else was doing.

"What?" she said, "They're creepy!" Her comment was met by our staring faces. Emmett's mouth had dropped open and I could've sworn he was drooling. I looked away. Alice spoke first.

"Ummm, okay… Anybody else?" she said, gesturing to the circle. Bella picked out a card from her stack and dropped it into the pile. My mind was suddenly bombarded with six flows of surprised thoughts, coming from my family.

_Oh. My. God. _I heard Alice think.

_She's gone way too far this time, I'm gonna kill her! _That was Rosalie

_Is this some kind of a joke?_ Jasper thought.

_Whoa, Bella. I thought we got past that! _Came Emmett's thoughts.

_Oh dear Bella, what are you thinking? _Carlisle shook his head.

_Meat tenderizers… Creepy meat tenderizers… They're coming to get YOOOUU! _I gave Esme another quizzical look.

I turned to look at Bella. Her mouth was open in shock and there was red covering her whole face. I turned to look at the pile on the floor.

_Dear God! _I thought,_ She put VAMPIRES_!

"Oops…" Bella said, her face still flushed.


	4. Attack of the Meat Tenderizer

**Bored On A Sunny Day**

By Bella Masen Cullen

_A/N This is a spoof on Star Wars as well as Twilight... Read and see. Then you shall understand Esme's undying fear of the deadly MEAT TENDERIZER!!!_

_Disclaimer: Sadly, yet again, I own absolutely NOTHING._

**Chapter Four: Attack of the Meat Tenderizers**

"A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…" Esme started, recalling the most traumatizing moment in her memory, so she said. My entire family, plus Bella and I, were all sitting around the large leather chair Esme had chosen to tell her story from. I had no idea why we had all agreed to it. I looked back, earlier today…

_Bella had accidentally put down the 'vampire' card in her Apples to Apples deck for 'scary', and she was trying to cover up._

_"So, Esme!" she said, "Where did your, er, strange fear of Meat Tenderizers come from?" _

_"Would you like to hear the story?" Esme asked, slightly giddy. My entire family erupted into a chorus of polite turn downs, but Bella pushed her on._

Right. That's why.

"Darth Tender and his army of evil Steaktroopers explored the galaxy in their Knife Fighters, looking for the one Spoon that could be Tender's apprentice and destroy the galaxy. As I'm sure many of you have guessed, Darth Tender was a- a- meat tenderizer…" Esme whispered the last two words, her eyes wide as dinner plates. How cheesy was this?

I looked around the circle. Jasper and Emmett seemed excited. I rolled my eyes in disgust. Alice and Rosalie were doing each others' nails. I couldn't see Carlisle anywhere. I wondered where he was. Bella was in my lap, her cheeks still slightly red. She was attempting to look like she was enjoying herself. I chuckled and returned my attention to Esme.

"Cheese Forkwalker lived on the planet Cucumber with his uncle and aunt Lettuce. One day, Cheese decided to take a walk. He was ambushed by a Steaktrooper, who successfully convinced Cheese that he was a clown by giving Cheese a pink balloon." She shuddered.

"Cheese loved clowns and pink ballons, so he followed said Steaktrooper, whose name was later found out to be Hummus. Hummus brought Cheese up to Tender's Meatball, a large planet-shaped space-station Tender had created, triumphant in his victory. Darth Tender walked up to Cheese and-"

"What'd he do Esme?! Oh spare us, what did he do?!" Oh, how pathetic. I looked over at Emmett as he said this, and saw that he and Jasper were both hugging each other in fear, biting their nails.

"I know it's scary boys, but you've got to hold on!" Esme replied motherly, and then put on a stern face as she continued with her story.

"Darth Tender walked up to Cheese and- and- TOOK OUT A CHEESE GRATER!" Esme jumped out of her chair and waved her arms in the air for 'dramatic effect'

"OH MY GOD!" Jasper and Emmett screamed, still clutching each other tightly. What _babies_! I looked at Rosalie and Alice. _What is my family turning into?_ I thought when I saw them. They too were hugging each other for dear life.

"Hold me Edward!" Bella screamed, burying her face into my chest. Okay, one good thing came out of this…

"Yes, Darth Tender took out his cheese grater and asked Cheese to 'join him for dinner'." Esme buried her head in her hands. "Darth Tender served…" She burst out in tears. "Linguine with the sauce _-hic-_ on the _-sob-_ SIDE!" Esme fell down onto the chair, her head still in her hands.

Her words were met with loud, girlish screams coming from everybody in the room but me.

I suddenly heard a large crash from upstairs, and took the distraction to escape. "I think I'll go check that out." I said, gently putting Bella on the ground and rushing upstairs before anyone could stop me.


	5. Operation!

**Bored On A Sunny Day**

By Bella Masen Cullen

_A/N This is my fave chapter so far, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!_

_Disclaimer: I still own nothing. -cries softly in corner-_

_Thanks again to Ozzy K and Lucifer for their awsome ideas!_

**Chapter Five: Operation**

I ran upstairs, curious to find out what had made that loud crashing sound, and also eager to get away from Esme and her crazy minions. The noise had seemed to come from Carlisle's study, so I knocked on the door.

"Come in, Edward." Carlisle said calmly. I walked into the room and then stopped in my tracks.

On Carlisle's right side, there were three huge stacks of 'Operation' games. On his left side, there was a colourful pile of what looked like crushed up plastic. Carlisle was sitting at his desk, bent over one of the games.

"Um, Carlisle? What are you doing?" I asked him cautiously. My family was acting strange today, I was scared of his response.

"Why Edward, I'm playing 'Operation'! Come take a seat." He said, motioning towards a chair in front of his desk. I sat down and eyed him quizzically, waiting for an explanation.

"You see, being a surgeon and all, this game really helps me keep up when I'm not in the ER. I'm obviously a good surgeon, because of my amazing skill. Watch and learn son, watch and learn." He bent down over his game once more and I leaned closer to get a better view.

Carlisle picked up the metal tweezers beside the game board and slowly moved them towards one of the holes in the little man below him.

I watched intently as Carlisle got closer and closer to the hole. Just as the metal tip of the tweezers reached the rim of the hole, a loud 'BEEEEEP!' startled me and I jumped away from the game.

Carlisle closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, looking as if he was trying to control himself. "Sorry Edward, you were breaking my concentration. I don't usually play with people in the room." He attempted a smile. "I'm sure if you didn't lean in so close I would easily be able to get it."

I obliged to Carlisle's instructions and watched as he once more began lowering the metal tweezers into one of the little holes on the board.

'BEEEEEEEP!' The board chimed once more. Carlisle's eyes lit up in fury and he put his hand into a fist.

"DAMN GAME! DAMN GAME!" he screamed, crashing his fist into the board, leaving it in a crumpled, smoking mess.

"Carlisle, calm down-"

"SHUT UP EDWARD! DAMN GAME!" Carlisle screamed once again, this time throwing the game on the floor and jumping on it numerous times. He finally seemed to calm down and tossed the scorched piece of plastic in the pile to his left.

_So that's what that is!_ I thought to myself, staring at the pile as Carlisle moved away.

I looked back at Carlisle. He had another game out of its box and was leaning over it intently. I slowly got up and backed out of the room. I closed the door to Carlisle's study and ran down the hall, pondering another place that I could escape to. As I turned a corner, I could faintly hear another chorus of "DAMN GAME!" in the background.

_A/N I hope you liked that chapter! This is a list that Ozzy K, Lucifer and I came up with for fun on MSN, it's actually quite hilarious, don't skip over it. _

****

**_35 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Use Operation To Practice Surgery_** **_(and why Carlisle shouldn't be a surgeon...)_**

_**1.** Not all people are 2D fat men._

_**2.** Not all people have organ shaped holes over their major organs._

_**3.** Not all people are 2D fat men with organ shaped holes over their major organs._

_**4.** People don't beep if you're not careful._

_**5.** Milton nor Bradley went to med school._

_**6.** Real peoples' noses don't flash if you screw up._

_**7.** Real peoples' noses aren't red in the first place._

_**8.** You aren't sued $100 000 if you screw up in "Operation!"_

_**9.** You can't have that many incisions at a time on a real person._

_**10.** No one actually has a plastic apple nor a real one stuck in their throat._

_**11.** Organ's aren't laid out flat._

_**12.** Real people aren't built into a plastic table._

_13. You don't put an organ on the wreck room floor after you take it out of real people._

_14. Real people aren't the size of elves._

_**15.** Real people don't have that many major organs removed._

_**16.** Real peoples' eyes aren't open during a major surgery._

_**17.** You don't do open heart surgery with metal tweezers._

_**18.** Real peoples' skin isn't hard plastic._

_**19.** People aren't kept in small cardboard boxes before or after major surgeries. _

_**20.** You don't laugh whilst doing real surgery._

_**21.** People don't remove someone's heart with metal tweezers as a party game. (At least, not where we come from.) _

_**22.** No ones organs are that small._

_**23.** Real people wear SOME clothing while in surgery._

_**24.** Nobody's organs have sticks poking out of them so you can grab them with small metal tweezers._

_**25.** Real people don't have pictures of picnic baskets and steaks in their stomachs._

_**26.** No one has hair that bad (except some politicians…)_

_**27.** Real people don't break if you drop them from three feet._

_**28.** Real people don't have horses, butterflies, and elastic bands in them._

_**29.** Real people don't need batteries._

_**30.** Real peoples' noses don't need to be changed, because real peoples' noses don't burn out. _

_**31.** Real people are given anaesthetic before an operation._

_**32.** Real people change expression during a real operation if they're awake, and may scream in pain._

_**33.** You're more likely to be hired if you've guest starred on Grey's Anatomy than if you can remove a charley horse perfectly._

_**34.** No one who has that kind of surgery doesn't bleed._

_**35.** "Operation!" doesn't test your gag reflex._

_Bask in it's glorious craziness! TTFN!_


	6. Fun in the Sun

**Bored On A Sunny Day**

By Bella Masen Cullen

_A/N This chapter is mostly a filler for some darn awsome things that are coming soon! I hope you enjoy it, though it's definitely not my best. I can't wait for the next chapter :D_

**Chapter Six: Fun in the Sun**

Now, where could I go? I had to escape my crazy family somehow! I tensed as Alice's thoughts rang though my head.

_Bella, how could you? Ugh, now we all want to kill you!_

Kill her? Kill my precious Bella? My hands balled up into fists and I ran downstairs, looking for my family. I couldn't believe they were going to betray me after all that time! I stopped in my tracks as I saw where they all were.

Five vampires were crowded around the back window, fighting each other for more room. I cocked an eyebrow and walked up to them, wondering what the fuss was. Then I noticed something. Where was Bella?

I ran up to the window and pushed my family away, wondering if something had happened to her outside. What I saw next made my mouth drop open in shock. There was Bella, lying across a lawn chair, _sunbathing_.

But that wasn't what surprised me most. That wasn't what made me stop dead in my tracks. No, not what she was doing. Rather, what she was _wearing_.

She must've borrowed one of Rosalie's bikinis! The skimpy blue swimsuit she was wearing exposed a lot, and I stared in shock at her beauty. I studied her body intently, not paying attention to those around me.

I finally snapped out of my gaze to hear Emmett's burly voice.

"Ed, can you believe it? She's teasing us bro! _Teasing_ us!"

"What a little witch!" Rosalie added, receiving a menacing glare from myself.

They were right though, I couldn't deny that. My precious Bella was out on the lawn, teasing us. Waving exactly what we could never have right under our noses. Rubbing the fact that the sun could warm only her, and not us, right in our faces.

I snickered and waved to her, hoping she would notice. She was leaning back, her eyes closed. She had on a pair of big, black sunglasses and was really soaking in the rays. Bella lifted herself up, brought her sunglasses down to the bridge her nose and eyed us teasingly.

Her eyes flickered over the group, and then she noticed me. She gasped and her cheeks instantly filled up with colour. She looked down at her skimpy bikini and then back at me, horrified. I started laughing; she was hilarious. I was too busy laughing to notice Rosalie's thoughts.

I was too busy to notice Rosalie run outside to attack my Bella.

I cried out in anger as Rosalie's sparkling form jumped Bella, and threw her onto the dirt outside. They began thrashing around in a mud puddle, getting dirtier by the second.

"Catfight!" Emmett yelled, and started cheering Bella on. Rosalie turned to flash him a large glare, giving Bella just enough time to have an advantage over her. Bella grabbed a handful of mud and threw it in Rosalie's face. Rosalie wiped the muck away and growled, her mouth wide open in shock. I couldn't help laughing; she was a mess, she never let herself get that dirty.

Rosalie let out a scream and also grabbed a handful of mud, flinging it at Bella. In seconds, the whole thing turned into a mud fight, and you could barely see Rosalie sparkling anymore, she was so covered in mud.

After several minutes, they finally stopped. Each one crossed their arms and stalked off in a different direction. Emmett ran over to the back door to greet Rosalie, who was dripping with mud.

"Stay away from me, you traitor!" She screamed at him and ran up the stairs to their bathroom to take a shower, leaving him staring after her in shock. Alice, Jasper, Esme and I all giggled as Emmett stood there, still as a statue. I stopped laughing and turned around when the front door opened, signifying Bella's arrival.

"Bella, are you okay?" I asked, concerned.

"Yeah, but I think I might need a shower."

_A/N Just wait for the next chapter... Just wait..._


	7. The Plastic Revolution

**Bored On A Sunny Day**

By Bella Masen Cullen

_A/N I just thought I'd let you know that I know NOTHING about the Civil War (except for the fact that Jasper was in it and he was a major in the Confederate army) so please bear with me if I make a mistake. I tried to research but the internet sucks when it comes to history summaries that people can actually understand! Sorry, they don't teach this stuff in schools over here (not in my grade, at least), so I did my best!_

**Chapter Seven: The Plastic Revolution**

I let Bella escape to the shower and turned back around to see where the rest of my family had gotten to. Emmett was still standing at the back door, shocked, Alice and Esme were watching TV, I was guessing that Carlisle was still playing 'Operation' and Jasper was nowhere to be found.

I decided to go to my room and listen to a few songs while I waited for Bella to finish her shower. I walked up the stairs at a pace that could've easily have been mistaken for the carefree stroll of a human, and stopped when I heard noises near the top.

I looked around, trying to decipher where the noise had come from, when I saw it. A few feet away from the top of the stairs, one of the closet doors was open a slight bit, and someone was inside.

I silently crept up beside the door to investigate, and stopped in my tracks when I heard a familiar voice. It was Jasper, but there was someone with him. Two different voices answered back and forth in the closet. A high-pitched, female voice, and Jasper's familiar one… Professing their love for each other?

I moved closer to the closet, hoping to get a better view.

"Oh Roderick, I love you so much! Please don't go! I _need_ you!"

_What the-? _I thought, confused. Who the hell was Roderick?

"Lorna, dear, sweet Lorna, I love you more than life itself, but I must go! I must fight for the Union!" My God, that was Jasper. Was he cheating? No way! I crouched down to peek into the closet.

Oh, you have _got _to be kidding me. Barbies!

Jasper was holding two of them, a Barbie doll and a Ken doll. He spoke again, this time his voice was extremely high-pitched. I recognized it as the voice I had mistaken for a woman's. I had a hard time stifling my laughter as I watched him 'play'.

"Roderick dear! Please don't leave me! Please!"

"But darling, don't you understand? I need to fight!"

"Oh, who cares about the war? You have me!"

"I know pumpkin, I know. But I must go to protect you. I can't have those dirty Confederates hurting you."

"Actually, that's what I need to talk to you about…"

Oh my God, he was reenacting the Civil War with _Barbies_! My thoughts were cut off once again by his voice.

"Yes, sweet Lorna?"

"Oh Roderick, I-I… I support the Confederate army!"

"You do?"

"Yes"

"You're sure?"

"Positive."

"Well then," Jasper picked up a small toy gun and held it to 'Roderick's' side. "die you Confederate dog! DIEEEEE!"

Jasper picked up 'Lorna' and tried to pull off her head quickly, trying to make it look as if it was blown off. His first try was unsuccessful and he dropped 'Roderick' to put his full attention on the other Barbie.

Jasper grabbed her body in one hand and her head in the other, and pulled as hard as he could. He was still unsuccessful.

_Damn,_ he thought, _these things are made really strong these days. My special edition Summer Cindy's head came off much easier than this…_

I put my hand to my mouth to stop myself from laughing. Jasper grabbed the Barbie's body firmly in both hands, and attempted to bite its head off. Still unsuccessful, Jasper threw the Barbie on the floor in frustration and picked 'Roderick' up once more.

"Now that's a relief! She was such a nag!" He said through the doll, making it 'walk' away whistling.

I couldn't hold in my laughter anymore, and I let it all out, falling on the floor clutching my sides.

I regained my senses and looked up to see Jasper staring at me, his face crossed with horror.

"I-it's not what you think!" he wailed, putting the Ken doll behind his back. I picked up 'Lorna' and nudged her head lightly with my pinky finger. It came clean off. I threw the doll back at his feet and walked away, still laughing hysterically.

Suddenly, I heard Carlisle's thoughts, clear as a bell.

_Oh my God Bella, what are you doing here?! I'm in the middle of a shower!_

I clenched my fists in anger and ran to the bathroom in haste.

_A/N Likey? Any mistakes I made with the whole Civil War thing, please tell me about them so I can fix them up. If any of you have time, could I please have some more info about it? I'm planning to have another chapter like this one. –evil laugh- No, really._

_Also, a big thank you to Muse for creating/performing/putting-on-iTunes-so-I-could-get-it the song "Starlight". It helps me write, I swear. I listen to it when I write, and out come the words. I love that song! Everybody listen to it! Yay Starlight! _

_One more thing, I usually update daily, and I'll try to continue, but up till now I had the previous chapters already written, so I dunno if it'll take me longer to get them up from now on. Please R+R!_


	8. Carlisle Sighting

**Bored On A Sunny Day**

By Bella Masen Cullen

_A/N Okay, this chapter will be continued into the next one. I have some perty darn awsome ideas for it, so read on!_

_Disclaimer: I own zero_

_Thanks again to Lucifer and Ozzy K for their help! Go TAARF!_

**Chapter Eight: Carlisle Sighting**

**Bella's POV**

I couldn't believe Rosalie. I thought we were finally starting to get to know each other, and then she went and started another fight. She wasn't even supposed to go outside in the first place! I mean, I only teased them a smidge. A little. A teensy-weensy bit.

…A lot. Okay, I admit it, a lot. I teased them a lot. But still, couldn't she have had some more self control? Yes, she could've. She _wasn't _supposed to go outside! What if some UPS guy had come by or something? Then they'd be in big trouble. It wasn't my fault.

I started climbing up the stairs, doing my best not to get anything dirty. I was absolutely covered in mud, and I would never forgive myself if I messed up one of their priceless artifacts.

As I passed by the hall closet, I thought I heard voices, but I shivered and hurried by. If vampires and werewolves were real, what other mythical creatures were?

I walked into the bathroom, almost oblivious of my surroundings, and began taking off my clothes. My mind was still muddled because of the fight, and I wasn't really paying attention to what was going on around me.

I closed my eyes and breathed in the fresh scent of my strawberry shampoo, wondering why the fragrance was so strong. I hadn't even poured any out of the bottle yet. I shrugged and took off my socks.

I got all my clothes off and put two towels on the rack for when I got out of the shower. They matched the pink toilet seat cover. I guessed that Alice had picked them out. She loved pink things.

I walked up to the shower, opened the curtain and screamed.

"CARLISLE!" I yelled, jumping back.

"BELLA!" he exclaimed, one hand still on his head, lathering in _my_ strawberry shampoo. He looked at me, shocked, and I noticed we were both naked. He seemed to notice as well, for he pulled the shower curtain over himself protectively.

I looked down at myself, and frantically grabbed the nearest thing to cover up. Great, I picked up the toilet seat cover.

My cheeks were burning red and my eyes were wide as dinner plates, as were Carlisle's. We were both having trouble finding the right words to say, but Carlisle finally broke the silence.

"B-B-Bella," he stuttered, "w-what are you d-doing?" he took his hand off his head and wiped the shampoo off, still staring at me.

"I was coming to take a shower, and, well, ummm…" I was trying to find the right words, but they wouldn't seem to come. I was still in shock.

"How did you not notice I was here?"

"How did _you_ not notice I was here Mr. All-Powerful Vampire?"

Carlisle stared at me dumbly, and I shifted the toilet seat cover, trying to hide more of my exposed skin.

"Bella, we can't tell Edward about this, he would kill me."

I heard a low growl coming from the door and swiveled my head around.

"Tell me about what?"

_A/N Uh oh, Bella and Carlisle are in BIIIIIIIG trouble! R+R to find out what happens next! : D_


	9. Silly String? What?

**Bored On A Sunny Day**

By Bella Masen Cullen

_A/N Ack! I missed a day! Dumb ol' homework... Ah well, now you've got this chapter! Emmett is EEEVILLL! Tee hee, I've got ideas..._

_Thanks to Lucifer and Ozzy K for their brilliant ideas!_

_Disclaimer: I own nada! I thought the special edition of New Moon was out here, but it's not! WAH! I need to read the first chapter of Eclipse! -cries-_

_-recovers- Whatever, I'm happy now because I'm updating, which means I'll probably get more reviews (hint, hint)!!!_

_Enjoy!!!_

**Chapter Nine: Silly String? What?**

**Edward's POV**

"Tell me about what?" I growled from the doorway, barely containing myself. I couldn't believe both Carlisle and Bella had betrayed me. What the hell were they both doing in the bathroom, naked?

"Edward!" Bella squealed, and shifted something to cover more of her exposed flesh. I looked down at her. Was she wearing a toilet seat cover?

I pushed the situation from my mind as I ran my eyes over Bella. Her utter beauty astonished me, and I was left speechless. Carlisle must've mistaken it for more anger, so he pulled the shower curtain higher, hiding more of himself. He was eyeing me in fear, his eyes huge and bulging.

"Edward, i-it's not what it looks like!" Bella stuttered, almost in tears. I could feel the anger leave my face as I watched her helpless form, but I still managed to keep my voice stern.

"Then what is it?" I asked, still quite shocked from the state I'd found Bella and Carlisle in. I gestured towards them as I spoke.

"Well, I was taking a shower, and I, er, I didn't notice her come in?" Carlisle's statement was more of a question than anything else and I raised an eyebrow.

"Hold on a second, was that _you _singing 'Oops I Did It Again' a couple minutes ago?" I asked incredulously. If vampires were capable of blushing, he would have been beet red right then. I could've sworn I saw the slightest bit of pink creep up to his cheeks.

"It _was_ you!" I burst out laughing, and had to hold my sides to stop the pain of my hysterical laughter. Bella started giggling as well, and soon she was struggling to keep her toilet seat cover on while laughing hysterically much like me. Carlisle just stayed in the same position and stared at us.

I was laughing so hard that I didn't notice when Emmett walked into the room. I looked up when I saw the terrified expression on Carlisle's face, and followed his gaze. Emmett's eyes were wide, and a large grin was slowly taking over his face.

"Well, well, well, I knew I was missing something!" He teased, and then whistled suggestively. "Having a little party now, are we?" He wiggled his eyebrows twice and burst into a fit of laughter as Bella, Carlisle and I all stood stock-still, staring at him.

"Why Emmett, you're going to get it!" I exclaimed, and started chasing him as he bolted out the door. He ran down the stairs and jumped over the couch, with me in close pursuit. As he passed one of the walls, something caught my eye.

_Yes!_ I thought, suddenly excited. I jumped up and tore Emmett's new big-screen TV off the wall. Emmett stopped running and looked at me, his eyes sorrowful and pleading. He was all the way across the room, and I could barely contain myself as I continued my dirty deed. I slowly put one hand on each side of the TV, and ripped it apart easily, dropping it to the floor and letting the sparks from the destruction collect on the charred plastic.

"Edward! Edward, how could you? My baby!" Emmett ran to the smoldering pile, and held up the two ripped pieces. He looked as if he was about to cry, and I'm sure he would… If he could.

Suddenly, he threw his now-ruined TV onto the floor and gave me the most evil glare possible. I froze as he began walking towards me, and calmed down as he passed me by. I turned around and watched him disappear into the kitchen. I was curious as to what he was doing, but decided I wouldn't push his temper.

A malicious laugh erupted from the kitchen and then Emmett appeared in the doorway, holding two cans of silly string.

Silly string? What?

Emmett began shaking both of them violently and I realized that he was planning to use them on me. _Ohhh God._ Emmett finished shaking the cans and twirled one of them in the air, tossing it up and catching it a second later. He did the same with the other one and then chuckled as he advanced towards me.

I stood rooted to the spot, unsure as to why I was unable to run. I looked around frantically as Emmett raised the cans and pointed them towards me.

"AUGH!" I managed to yell before the silly string shot out of the bottles and began to cover me.

Emmett was laughing maniacally as the silly string consumed my body. I tried to pull some off, but more just kept on coming and coming. Finally the torrent of the substance stopped, and I tried to look at Emmett, unsuccessfully. I couldn't see anything. I was covered head to foot in silly string.

HOT PINK silly string.

_A/N Did you like it? You did? Well then, REVIEW!!!!!! ...no pressure... :P_


	10. Baking Cookies

**Bored On A Sunny Day**

By Bella Masen Cullen

_Oh my God am I UPDATING? I think I am! WOW.__ This chapter is dedicated to everybody on the Twilight Lexicon who has participated in, or seen the VMT and WMT. Hehe, it will mostly hold humour for them… Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing. _

**Chapter Ten: Baking Cookies**

I grabbed some of the silly string that had surrounded my body and pulled it off, grimacing when the substance stuck to my hands. I looked up to see Emmett clutching his sides with laughter, the two cans he had used on the floor. Bella ran in, fully clothed, with Carlisle soon behind. Their faces held pure shock at first, but in less than five seconds, they were both on the floor, laughing as well.

"Nice to see my family sticking up for me," I mumbled and stomped off into the kitchen to wash my sticky hands.

When I walked into the kitchen, Esme turned to greet me, her hands full of batter. I looked at her, confused. Why was she making food? We didn't need to eat anything.

"Hi Edward," she began, "I'm baking some cookies, would you like to join me?"

I looked down at my hands and she seemed to understand. She moved over so that I could reach the sink.

"Um, sure." I answered, turning to face her while running my hands under the water. "But why are you baking cookies? You can't tell me you're making an entire batch for Bella!"

She glanced down at the dough. "Well…" She said innocently, glancing back at me.

"Fine, I'll help. But if Bella gets sick from eating too many cookies, I swear I'll kill you." I tried to glare at her, but Esme's face was so soft and innocent I had trouble. Her face lit up instantly and she passed me a giant wooden spoon.

"Here, stir the batter in that bowl over there."

"Where'd you get such a huge spoon?" I asked, eyeing the spoon's humungous size. I swear it was the largest spoon I had ever seen.

"I have my sources." Esme replied, a wicked gleam in her eye. I raised my eyebrows and began stirring the batter. Bella walked into the kitchen and spotted me.

"Oh Edward! Is that batter I see? Can I help you bake?" Her cheeks were red with excitement. I motioned for her to come over, and I put her in front of me, so that my arms were wrapped around her. I put the giant spoon in her hands and put mine overtop, and began stirring the batter with her.

"This is fun!" She exclaimed, and began stirring faster. I grinned and kissed her head, enjoying myself. Who knew that baking with your sweetheart could be so much fun?

Esme came over to look at the batter. "It looks ready you two, you can stop stirring now." I reluctantly let go of Bella's hands and moved around her to bring the cookie tray over to the counter beside the bowl. Bella happily picked up a glob of dough, rolled it into a circle and placed it on the tray. Esme and I did the same and soon there were twenty-four little globs of batter on the tray. I smiled and picked up the tray, handing it to Bella so that she could put it in the oven.

Bella opened the oven and put the cookies in, and then set the dial. She turned to me and grinned widely. "All set, the cookies are baking in the oven!" she exclaimed triumphantly.

Suddenly there was a crash upstairs, and we all ran out of the kitchen to see what had happened. When we reached the foot of the stairs, we all stopped dead in our tracks. There was Emmett, at the top of the stairs, wearing a black bodysuit and a cape. He locked eyes with me and a huge grin spread across his face. He took a deep breath and began singing.

"Spooder man, spooder man,

Does whatever a spooder can,

Spoos a wall, to the moon,

Bakes his cookies, with a spoon,

Look out! There goes the spooder man!

In the chill of night,

At the scene of an oven,

Like a streak of light,

He arrives just for lovin!

Spooder man, spooder man,

Does whatever a spooder can,

Look out!

Whenever there's a spoo up,

When there's a great big spoo up,

You'll find the spooder maaaaaaaaaan!"

Bella, Esme and I all stared at him in shock. He started laughing and jumped to the bottom of the stairs, putting his hands on his hips and acting out a superhero pose. I put my head in my hands. _What was this world coming to?_

_A/N Wellllllll? How'd you like it? It's not really funny unless you've seen the VMT, so for those of you who haven't, sorry, I just had to dedicate a chapter to them! YAY VMT!_


	11. Not Again!

**Bored On A Sunny Day**

By Bella Masen Cullen

_A/N: Yay! I finally got another idea! If you want faster updates… REVIEW WITH YOUR IDEAS!!! They will be included in the story if I like them!_

_Disclaimer: I own nuttin._

_ENJOY!!!_

**Cha****pter Eleven: Not Again!**

I spun around to the sound of a knock on the door, and the familiar waterfall of Charlie Swan's thoughts. I glanced back at Emmett, who was still in his 'Spooderman'costume, and then looked at Bella.

"It's your dad, Bells." I told her, motioning towards the door, indicating for her to open it. She pranced over to the front window and looked out, smiling when she saw Charlie wave. She opened the door for him, and he stepped into the house, looking around in amazement.

"Wow, this place is really something!" He mused. Esme walked over to him and shook his hand, saying how nice it was to see him again. I went over awkwardly, not enjoying what was going through his mind at all.

_The mother seems nice enough, but look at the boy in the cape! Perhaps he needs help. I wonder why Bella likes Edward so much, if he has a brother like that, shouldn't he be the same?_

I rolled my eyes-being careful to hide it from Charlie's view-and shook his hand as well as Esme.

"Nice to see you again, sir." I said politely; hoping to work some of my charm into him, since he was still slightly, well, _extremely _angry at me for 'taking' Bella to Italy.

"Nice to see you too, Edward." He replied gruffly. _Trying to lighten me up. Pah! He just wants my girl. Well, I'll tell him one thing, he isn't getting her! Pah, pah, pah!_ I rolled my eyes once again as Charlie went through more nonsense in his head. I politely excused myself and grabbed Emmett's hand, pulling him upstairs.

"Emmett, I swear, that guy is getting on my nerves." I growled, bracing him against the wall. "Can you please deal with him?"

Emmett's lips curled up into a vicious smile. "Oh Edward, you bad boy. This ought to be fun, I haven't had a satisfying human for _ages_! I'll grab my stuff and be right down. Oh, he'll never know what hit 'im. Soon he'll be getting ready for 'lunch'" Emmett rubbed his hands together in excitement.

"You'll go full-out with this, right? I'm counting on you to get rid of him, Emmett." I pondered the possible outcome in my head and smiled. I liked it.

"Of course my brother, why wouldn't I?" With one more evil smirk he was gone, and I was left standing in the middle of the upstairs hallway.

I was suddenly bombarded by Jasper's thoughts, coming from the hall closet.

_Haha Roderick, just wait till I get my hands on you!_

I ran to the closet quietly and peeked in. Just as I suspected, there was Jasper, and in his hands he held two Barbie dolls. This time, though, both dolls were male. I sat down and prepared to watch the show.

"Roderick, you have no chance against me, you stupid man." He voiced one of the Barbies.

"Oh really? Well, at least I have one thing. I'm a man, whereas you're just a little cowardly baby." He voiced the other.

"Why you idiot!" 'Roderick' declared, raising his weapon and firing a shot.

"You missed me! You missed me! Hahaha!" Said the other, firing a shot from _his_ weapon and succeeding. "Die Union scum, DIE!!!" The Barbie pranced around in triumph. Jasper dropped 'Roderick' on the ground and grabbed another Barbie, who I recognized from before as 'Lorna'.

"Oh Jasper," 'Lorna' began, "you're my hero!"

"Of course I am Lorna, baby. Now kiss me." Jasper whammed the Barbies together and began making smooching noises. I couldn't hold in my laughter any longer and was soon on the floor, laughing my guts out.

Jasper looked up, surprised once again, and his eyes widened. "Edward, Edward, it's seriously not what it looks like!" Jasper piled up all the Barbies and pushed them behind him. "It's not!"

I finally stopped laughing as Emmett came into view, holding a long, white and red sheet.

"I'm ready…" He grinned.

_A/N: OOOOOOh, what's Emmett gonna do? R+R to find out!!!_


	12. When Will It End?

**Bored On A Sunny Day**

By Bella Masen Cullen

_A/N: Sorry this has taken so long, I had exams, and no more funny ideas! I think I'm going to end it with this chapter, since I really have nothing else to write about. I hope you've all enjoyed each Cullen's crazy side, I know I definitely have! Now sit back, relax, and enjoy the last chapter of **Bored On A Sunny Day**!_

_Disclaimer: For the last time, Stephenie owns it all!_

**Chapter Twelve: When Will It End?**

"Perfect…" I smiled evilly and rubbed my hands together. "Now, go deal with him Emmett, perhaps I'll come and watch the show!" I smirked and turned away, walking upstairs to my room.

I put my hands in my pocket and whistled Bella's lullaby to myself, smiling as I remembered her beautiful brown eyes, her gorgeous hair, her delectable scent…

I opened the door to my room and gasped.

There was my angel, my Bella, on the floor surrounded by my CD collection. She had a bottle of hot pink glow paint in one hand and she was one by one vandalizing my prized CDs. I heard a chime-like giggle coming from the direction of my sound system, and whipped my head around to see Alice with another bottle of glow paint, vandalizing _it_ as well.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" I roared, running over to Alice and pushing her away. I got down on my knees and caressed my sound system, whispering sweet nothings into its speakers. I could hear Bella and Alice laughing behind me and whipped around to face them, fire in my eyes.

"Bella, did _she_ put you up to this?" I growled, pointing at Alice with a shaking finger.

"Actually, Edward," Alice smirked, "this was all Bella's idea." Bella snickered, but bit her lip when I turned the power of my gaze on her.

"Bella, dear, is this true?" I said, struggling with my anger. I wanted to be mad at her, but I couldn't. Bella nodded and Alice turned to whisper in her ear. She knew I could hear every word, of course, and her dancing eyes flickered up to me continuously as she shared her 'secret'.

"Look at him, struggling with his internal conflict. I told you before, he could _never_ get mad at you!" Alice giggled.

"I may not be able to get mad at Bella, but I can _certainly_ get mad at you!" I pounced on Alice and we began rolling on the floor, scratching and kicking and biting.

"Esme! Put up the safety shields!" I heard Bella yell, and I caught a glimpse of the large, metal shields folding up over the huge window that took up the entire southern wall of my bedroom.

Alice and I crashed into the remainder of my CD collection, causing many of the CDs to break. I stopped fighting Alice and stood up, staring at the wreckage in horror.

"This is _exactly_ what you planned, isn't it?" I gasped, unbelieving. Bella and Alice fell to the floor, shaking with hysterical laughter. "But, _why_?" I turned to them, my lower lip trembling. Bella seemed to recover and stared at me, still stifling a giggle or two.

"Well, first of all," she began, "I still haven't… Well, _hadn't_ gotten you back for the prom last year." She let this sink in, and then continued. "Second of all, I still hadn't gotten you back for _leaving_ me, and _third_ of all… You _still_ haven't changed me!" Bella stared at me, her arms crossed, a stubborn look on her face. I sighed.

"You're _sure_ that's what you really want?" I asked her, putting a sad look on my face. It wasn't too hard, considering I was pretty miserable because of her little prank. Bella paused, the expression on her face changed completely. She now looked close to tears.

"Definitely," she whispered, walking closer to me. I closed the distance between us and held her arms in my hands.

"Well, then…" I slowly inclined my head to her neck and I felt her shiver as I placed my cold lips on her warm skin. I paused for a second and then jumped away from her.

"KIDDING!" I laughed, and ran out of the room, giggling hysterically.

"EDWARD!" I heard her roar angrily, but I was already on the lower floor and far away from her wrath. I suddenly remembered Emmett's plans and walked onto the porch to check it out. I could barely contain my laughter as I saw that he had actually pulled it off.

Emmett and Charlie were sitting across from each other in small, white, wicker chairs, sipping tea from Esme's antique tea set. They each had a lace napkin stuffed into their collars and there was a small platter put out in front of them, full of scones. I glanced to the side and saw that Emmett had set up the video camera at a perfect angle, and was getting all of it on tape.

_My goodness, this tea is delectable! And the scones are simply marvelous! _Charlie thought to himself. _Ah, I must remember, pinky out!_ He giggled and stuck out his pinky as he took another sip of tea.

Emmett glanced up at me, winked, and then turned back to Charlie.

"What spectacular weather we've been having lately, am I not correct dear Charles?" Emmett acted, putting an air of haughtiness into his voice.

"_Quite_ the wonderful weather, dear Sir Emmett." Charlie responded, hooding his eyes arrogantly.

I walked back inside before setting free my restrained laughter, and moved to sit on the couch, still snickering. I heard someone's intake of breath and looked up to see a very angry Bella standing over me. I put a sympathetic look on my face, and beckoned for her to come sit next to me. She rolled her eyes and sat on the edge of the couch, curling her arms around her legs and sitting stiffly. I reached over and untwisted her arms, bringing her closer to me. She sat stiffly as ever, looking away.

"Bella, look at me." I pleaded. My plan wouldn't work unless she did.

"No," she responded angrily.

"Please, Bella."

"No."

I grabbed her shoulders and turned her around myself, I knew I wasn't going to win unless she looked.

"Look into my eyes." I said, trying to sound seductive. I could tell she was fighting against the urge from the distressed look on her face. "Please, Bella darling." I breathed into her face, and she was forced to look up.

I unleashed the full power of my eyes on her and she became limp in my arms. Her mouth dropped open and her eyes became wide. I smiled crookedly—she had told me once that she loved it when I did that—and leaned down to kiss her passionately.

I pulled away and looked into her eyes once more. She seemed to be getting dizzy, and was a bit wobbly in my arms.

"Now Bella, why are you angry at me?" I asked, still dazzling her.

"Wha—? Angry? Ummm…" She seemed confused, then a slight bit of recognition seemed to show in her eyes. "You— You were going to change me!" She looked a bit angry now. I kissed her again.

"And now?"

"Ummm, what?" She was definitely confused now.

"I love you Bella." I chuckled, shaking my head.

"Ohhh, I love you, too!" She smiled drunkenly and leaned into my chest. I grinned—my plan had worked. Was I brilliant, or what?

"Edward! Edward!" I turned my head to see Jasper running into the room, waving his hands around frantically. I raised my eyebrows.

"What's wrong?" I asked him. He paused and bit his lip, I could hear muddled thoughts whizzing around in his head, but they were all unintelligible. He took a deep breath and spoke.

"My Barbies! They're—they're gone! I can't find my Barbies!"

When was this day going to end?

_A/N: So, that's what happened when the Cullens were bored on a sunny day! I really hope you enjoyed my story, and perhaps, one day, if I get another brilliant idea, I might change this story's status from complete to in progress again!_

_Lots of love to all my faithful readers,_

_Bella Masen Cullen_


	13. Trouble in the Closet!

**Bored On A Sunny Day**

By Bella Masen Cullen

_A/N: Okay, turns out my friend finally decided to help and gave me a great idea. Thanks Lucifer! So, for all you **Bored On A Sunny Day** fans out there, please enjoy the might-be-the-last-chapter-but-heck-who-knows of this brilliant story!_

_…TOTAL OOC, but golly gee, you must know what I do to Stephenie's characters by now!_

_Disclaimer:_

_Me: Oh, Edward, I love you so much!_

_Edward: I don't exist._

_Me: But Edward, yes you do!_

_Edward: -snubs- Not to you I don't!_

_Me: -sniffles- Emmett? Jasper?_

_Emmett: No way._

_Jasper: Never!_

_Me: But WHYYYYY?!_

_All characters in Twilight: BECAUSE WE BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER!!!_

_Me: -sits down in corner and cries-_

_Well said you guys, well said…_

**Chapter Thirteen: The Meat Tenderizer Strikes Back**

I sighed. "Jasper, what do you mean you can't find your Barbies?"

"I can't! They were in the closet, right where I left them. I went to grab my Surfer Ken doll, and when I came back, they were GONE!" Jasper waved his hands around in the air again, adding dramatic effect.

"Well, have you looked for them?" I asked him, pretty unconcerned.

"Barbies?" Bella asked, aghast. Jasper ignored her.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK I'VE BEEN DOING FOR THE PAST HOUR?!" Jasper screamed, shaking the walls. He looked around frantically, his eyes wide, and then dropped to the floor and started rocking back and forth, his thumb in his mouth.

"Barbies?" Bella was still staring into space, stunned.

"Come on Jasper, get up, we'll help you look." I rolled my eyes and stood up, taking Bella's hand and bringing her up with me.

"Barbies?" She repeated, completely flabbergasted. Perhaps she was going into shock. I chuckled at the thought. She doesn't go into shock when she jumps off the cliff, nor when she finds out that I'm a vampire, nor when she's almost kidnapped by a bunch of thugs, but she _does_ go into shock when she finds out that Jasper plays with Barbies.

Jasper jumped up from the floor. "You will? Yippee! Okay, should we split up, or go as a group?" I opened my mouth to speak but he was too fast. "Okay, we'll go as a group. Where should we search?" I didn't even try to answer that time. "Closets, right." Jasper ran out of the room and came back straight away. "Well? What are you waiting for?"

I shook my head and followed him, pulling Bella along beside me. Jasper was already at the hall closet, screaming like a little girl, a minute or two before we joined him.

I discovered the reason for his screams as I surveyed the area. Hung across numerous pieces of string on the door of the closet, were twenty-odd Barbies, each one holding a mini broom. Jasper ignored the brooms and frantically but gently tore the Barbies down. He caressed each one lovingly before placing it on the floor behind him and reaching for the next.

_I knew I should've found more reliable means of security! He's breaking through my defense! CURSE YOU DARTH TENDER!_ Esme's thoughts came from inside the closet, and I eyed the door quizzically.

"Jazz, move over," I ordered, pushing him to the side.

"But my Barbies!" He wailed.

"Shut up." I reached for the knob on the closet, twisted it and opened the door, revealing an extremely paranoid Esme. Even _I_ was put into shock when I saw her cowering in the corner of the closet, a pasta strainer on her head and a broom clutched tightly in her hands.

"Um, Esme? Are you okay?" I asked, furrowing my brow.

"H-he's coming! There's n-no time! Aahhaahaaaa!" Her head vibrated from side to side, continuously watching her surroundings. I frowned.

"Who's coming?"

"You ignorant little boy! _He_'s coming!" She responded, still swiveling her head from side to side. She let out another nervous laugh, "ahhaaaahaaaa!" Realization struck me as I recalled her earlier thoughts.

"You mean Darth Tender?" I asked, quite sure of myself.

"AAH! Where is he?! Is he here?! Where?! WHERE?!" Esme began thrusting her broom all over the place. I crouched down beside her, put my hand on the broom and lowered it. I put my other hand on her shoulder, while still keeping one on the broom.

"Esme, calm down. Darth Tender," she shuddered when I said his name, "is _fictional_," I assured her. Esme pushed my arm away and scowled at me.

"I see what I must do, then." She stood up and grabbed three brooms from the back of the closet, thrusting a broom into each of our hands, Jasper and Bella included. "Obi Wan Perogie, please give me strength, for I must teach these three…" She looked at us sternly, her left eye twitching, "the way of the Kelp."

_A/N: WOOT! Looks like my writer's block is GONE! Okay, I'm sure you'll all be happy to know that now that I have inspiration (and simply HAVE to have a chapter where Esme teaches everyone the way of the Kelp!), I'm changing __**Bored On A Sunny Day**__ back to 'In-Progress'! YAY! Okay now, R+R please! I love getting reviews!_


	14. The Way of the Kelp

_A/N: When I mean writers' block, I meant that month and a half when I didn't post _anything_. But I'm back now! Yippee! Now, sit back, relax and enjoy the teachings of Kelp!_

_Disclaimer: _

_Me: Edward, please give me a chance with you! I mean, I'm writing about you!_

_Edward: Okay then, give me a few minutes to read what you've written._

_Edward: Ummm..._

_Me: Well, do you like it?_

_Edward: Hot pink silly string?_

_Me: Ummm..._

_Edward: Barbies?_

_Me: -coughs- Yeah, um, ok... I'll leave now._

_Edward: Thank you, I'm going back to Stephenie now._

_Me: Fair enough -cries in corner-_

Chapter Fourteen: The Way of the Kelp 

"The way of the _what_?!" I asked, incredulous. Bella and Jasper were staring at Esme with expressions much like mine on their faces; utter disbelief. Esme still looked determined. She walked into the main room and faced the stairs.

"Carlisle! Emmett! Alice! Rosalie! Get down here _now_!" She yelled, though with our sensitive hearing, all she had to do was whisper. The rest of my family instantly congregated in the room with alarmed looks on their faces. Esme disappeared into the closet and the rest of my family gave Jasper, Bella and I strange looks. We all rolled our eyes and turned back to the closet. Esme emerged, brandishing four more brooms. She gave Carlisle, Emmett, Alice and Rose one each, and then grabbed her own.

"Do you know why you are here?" Esme asked us all, and I sighed.

"To _learn the way of the Kelp_?" I asked, sarcastically. Esme's eyes shone with pride and she smiled.

"Yes my son, yes. I can tell—" she touched two of her fingers to my forehead and grinned again, "—you are strong with the Kelp." I turned to Jasper and mouthed _Oh my God_ to him. He shook his head back at me, eyes wide. I turned back to Esme.

"Ummm, right. Sure I am." I stepped away from Esme and she turned to face the rest of the group.

"Now, do you all wish to learn the way of the Kelp?" She asked seriously, looking at each of us in turn.

"Well, not really..." Emmett said, bouncing his broom up and down on his outstreched arms.

"What did you say?!" Esme exclaimed, flames igniting in her golden eyes.

"I don't wa—"

"YES YOU DO!" Esme whacked Emmett with her broom and he fell over, astonished. "YES YOU DO YES YOU DO!" Esme continuously whacked Emmett with her broom. We all watched, uncertain.

"Esme, dearest, perhaps you shouldn't kill our son..." Carlisle stepped forward and put a comforting hand on Esme's shoulder, but she turned around and started whacking him instead.

"When—my—son—disrespects—the—Kelp—I—can—do—whatever—the—hell—I—want—to—him!" Carlisle winced in pain as Esme beat down on him. Emmett, Jasper and I grabbed Esme from behind and attempted to hold back her struggling form, but to no avail. She ripped away from us and jumped onto the piano, putting out her broom protectively.

"Let me ask you again: do you all wish to learn the way of the Kelp?" She looked at us scornfully, waiting for an answer.

"Yes!" We chorused, too scared to disagree anymore. Esme grinned.

"Good! Now, everyone hold your brooms out in front of you, like this," she held out her broom and balanced it on her wrists. I positioned myself next to Bella so that her broom was somewhat balanced on me. If I had left her to herself, she probably would've gotten a beating from Esme as well, and I definitely didn't want _that_.

"Now chant 'xigs ajah dijik mooooo'" She closed her eyes and began chanting it over and over again. I looked at Bella and she blushed. I chuckled and began chanting along with Esme, and the rest of my family followed, including a very hesitant Bella.

"No, no, no Carlisle! It's ahhhh-haaaaah, not ahhhh-gaaah! And Emmett, stop snorting, you're ruining the entire thing!" Esme scolded, frowning at all of us. "Rosalie, stop sighing, it really takes away the whole purpose of this exercise. Bella! Stop blushing!" And on, and on...

Carlisle's thoughts suddenly entered my mind and I raised my eyebrows. An idea, eh? He answered the question clear through my facial expression. _Yes, I have an idea. But you're going to have to survive a bit more of this before I put it to action._ We laughed and Esme scowled at us both. I turned around and continued to chant Esme's strange incantation.

"Shut up you two. Xigs ajah dijik mooooo xigs ajah dijik mooooo!"

_A/N: What's Carlisle's plan? Well, you're going to have to wait until I write that chapter. In the meantime, please review! Thank you so much for reading!_

_Bella Masen Cullen _


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